Things I Shouldn't Do: Kh Style!
by LadyMarz1
Summary: Dear Diary, apparently, lately I have been a hellraiser as they say.. and forced to write down all the horrid and hilarious things I have done to the Kingdom Hearts cast, so here it is... [OneShot]


Disclaimer: I don't own Kh or any of the characters of Final fantasy... -cries-

Author's Notes: Ok so this is really based off a dream I had... and me with my friend, KershaFangs, with a lot of sugar and soda...

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Cloud and Leon pushed LadyMarz1 into the Hollow Bastion Restoration Committe building. "Hey! Hey! Stop pushing!" she yelled in distest. Cloud then pushed her down in a chair and Leon grabbed a light-pink journel and threw it straight at Marz. Luckily she got it in the nick of time. Cloud and Leon then lowered to her level, looking at her with blood-shot eyes and said, "Now write about all the things you did to me and everyone else here!"

"Why are you two doing this to me? I did nothing!" Marz yelled in protest. Cloud and Leon looked at each other, "Oh really?" they said in disbelief.

Leon then reached into his pocket and pulled out a rolled up piece of paper. He let the paper fall to the ground and LadyMarz watched as it rolled out the door, passed the Great Maw, off the world and passing many others until it finally ended at the stairs in Tranverse Town. A passing moogle looked at the end of the list and shuddered. "Kupo! Whoever this person was, they were bad!"

"Ok, ok. I get it..." LadyMarz said defeated. She opened the light-pink diary and flipped past all the pictures she drew of Cloud and Sephiroth 'getting to know each other better' while Cloud scowled at them. LadyMarz took out the pen in the spirial spine of the diary and began writing.

_Dear Diary,  
Well… what can I say? It's been a pretty interesting week. I have been told that I have been a bit of a hell raiser, but I disagree.._

_I have been forced that, in the future, I shouldn't repeat the things that are in this list, for fear that I will end up in a garbage can again ( which is what Cloud and Squall did after I pulled my, uh, little joke on Sora and Kairi )._

_Not a good experience... and it's definitely not on my 'to do again' list... So here it is! My wonderful list of funny, yet terrible practical jokes and stupidities!_

_- Saying something is forbidden is not a personal challenge._

_- It is still illegal even if I don't get caught_

_- Moogles do not like to be called "Mini Me"_

_- I am not being repressed._

_- I will refrain from holding fights between Sora and Riku and will not take bets on the outcomes._

_- I am not allowed to giggle incessantly whenever Roxas and Axel enter a room at the same time._

_- Nor am I allowed to start singing loud porno music._

_- Singing the song "If you were Gay" to them is also not appropriate._

_- Neither is asking them about 'Doin' it doggy style'._

_I am not funny... No matter how much I make myself laugh..._

_- 'Special brownies' are frowned upon._

_- Even if the results are hilarious._

_- Especially if given to Sora and Kairi_

_- Yelling "To infinity, and BEYOND!" was only funny the first time I fell off the plank in Neverland._

_-I am not allowed to require everyone to refer to me as "The Most High and Honorable Master of the Universe" and bang a gong whenever I enter a room._

_- Whenever Donald casts a spell, it is not appropriate to turn to him and scream that he is the 'TOOL OF SATAN!' and that he should 'CEASE IN PRACTICING SUCH DEMONRY!'._

_- Despite the fact that there's probably a good market for them, I am not allowed to try to sell Sora, Riku, or Kairi on eBay. Maybe Kairi..._

Cloud glared at Marz while she finished writing that last sentence. She growled in her throat and continued writing.

_- I'm not allowed to try to sell anyone on eBay, no matter how much money I would make._

_- Dying Riku's hair pink in his sleep is considered harrassment._

_I may not:_

_- Shout "Beam me up Scotty" before flying._

_- Tell Goofy that French swear-words are really spells._

_- Wear a T-shirt that says, 'Ansem is my Home-boy'_

_- Steal a moogle and try to get him to tell me where his pot 'o gold is._

_- I will not tell Squall and Cloud that if you say 'banana' fast enough, it sounds like 'gullible'... No matter how many times they believe it._

_- I am not to teach Kairi how to fly_

_- Should I ignore the above step, I am not to teach her by throwing her off a tower._

_- I am not allowed to skinny dip in Atlantica_

_- And then say that Ariel black-mailed into doing it._

_- Dress Zexion up as a gangsta' and tell him Ghetto is the new Emo_

_- Put 'Donald Duck' on a restranaut menu_

_- Put a cherry bomb in Larxene's tampon_

_- Call Animal Control while in the Pride Lands_

_- Put Man-Eating plants in Marluxia's garden_

_- Putting Creeper Plant heartless in Marly's garden is also not allowed._

_- Calling Marluxia 'Marly'_

_- Tell Goofy to belly-dance and give him dog treats if he does_

_- Mistake Axel for Roy Mustang... again_

_- Try to hook up Riza Hawkeye with Axel_

_- Teach the Organization The Sexy No Jutsu_

_- Put on the song 'My Milkshakes' everytime Tifa enters the room_

_- Play 'I'm an Emo kid' everytime I see Zexion_

_- Everytime I see Marluxia, I must not play the song 'Man! I feel like a woman!'_

_- Run around yelling 'All hail the Holy Pineapple!'_

_- Try to make Sora and Riku Chippendales dancers_

_- Play 'It's Getting Hot in Here' everytime Axel and Roxas are in the room_

_- Refer to Mansex as Xemnas..._

Cloud looked over LadyMarz1 and checked off the list as she wrote down. He looked at the last entry and mumbled, "Refering Mansex as Xemnas... Hey wait a minute!"

LadyMarz1 continued writing and she chuckled to herself...

_- Hit Riku on his paopu tree..._

_(Flash back)_

_Riku was sparring with LadyMarz1 back on Destiny Islands. He gracefully dodged every strike Marz gave. Finally, while Riku was resting, LadyMarz1 ran up and kicked him... right on his 'paopu tree'..._

_(End Flashback)_

Marz laughed evilly and loudly and was beginning to freak Cloud and Leon out. She stopped, after realizing that she was laughing in the first place and conitinued writing.

_- Call Hayner 'Gayner'_

_- Call Pence 'Choji'_

_- I also must not make RikuxSora XXX websites (credit card required)_

_- Hold a Laou for the Organization_

_- Breed heartless in my basement_

_- Run through out the Organization's castle yelling, 'Don't deny the gay feeling!'_

_- Make Sora wear a shirt that says, 'If you rape Riku fast enough, you'll get thorugh pubetry'_

_- Tell Kairi if she dresses like a whore, she'll become Brittany Spears_

_- Mistake Larxene for Shakira_

_- Stuff Zexion's face with garlic cheese-its_

_- Call Vexen 'The Amazing Slushy'_

_- Put mouse traps and cats all over Disney Castle_

_( Flash back )_

_Sora, Riku, and Kairi leered at LadyMarz1 as there stood in front of the Disney Castle, which was on fire. "Hey! You told me to clean the place and I did! But when I was cleaning I found a rat problem! There were HUGE mice all over the place! So I took care of the problem..."_

_"LadyMarz! That was King Mickey and his wife! And I think you just traumatized him for life!"_

_The King came out, trembling terribly, and a blanket over his shoulders. He shakinly said, "There... there were traps, a-and danger and death everywhere! AND CATS! It was horrible..."_

_They all turned and glared sharply at LadyMarz1. She shrugged her shoulders and said, "Not my fault."_

_( End Flash back )_

"I hope you know it WAS your fault."

"Whatever", LadyMarz1 responded while she went back to her writing. Quietly she said, "Not my fault..."

_- Tell Tidus Selphie is a 10 dollar whore_

_- Dress Selphie up as a 10 dollar whore_

_- Call Wakka and Lulu's baby 'The Child of the Future!'_

_- Tell Demyx that wearing chains, sitting on all fours, and barking is a new water attack_

_- Challenge Luxord to a game of poker, betting people_

_( Flash back )_

_LadyMarz1 and Luxord looked closely at the cards ion hand while all the cast of Kingdom Hearts and Organization XIII were tyed up and gagged behind them. "I see your Xaldin, Luxord..." LadyMarz said. "And I raise you a Roxas!"_

_"I see your Roxas and up it an Axel."_

_"I'm out then."_

_( End Flash back )_

'I never did get my money back from that game...'

Marz shrugged the thought off and continued writing:

_- I will not shoot pepper spray in Marluxia's eyes and say it is holy water_

_- Tell Kairi if she jumps off the highest waterfall, Sora will appear in her bed_

_- Tell Sora that wear pink boxers with roses on them in public is very manly_

_- Steal Marluxia's boxers to make Sora wear them_

_- Dip Sora's Boxers in chili and watch heartless chase him down the street_

_- Rig the DDR game_

_( Flash back )_

_LadyMarz1 was behind a DDR game platform, tinkering with the equipment inside. "And there!"_

_She quickly closed the back and hid away from sight, eyeing the game. Sora then went up on the game and put in a quarter. He began play and was aceing every arrow perfectly. "Hey, he's doing good.." LadyMarz1 said. She then pulled out a remote control and pushed the only big red button. "Let's fix that.."_

_Sora's Perfect soon turned into Boos and Misses. After the song ended the machine yelled to him, "You Suck! Never play this game again!"_

_And then it exploded!_

_( End flash back )_

"Heh heh heh.."

_- I will not spray-paint 'Sexy Zexy Loves Vexy!' on the Organzation's walls_

_- I will not them make the Organization try to say it three times fast_

_- Yell out, "My spidey sense are tingling- Help me out, Barancle Bay!' everytime I see a nobody_

_- Call Sephiroth 'Zephyroth' after my best friend_

_- When Sora turns Anit-Form, I will not put a rosemary on him and say, 'Sit Boy!'_

_- Call Xaldin 'Shrimp'_

_- Get Sora's 'keyblade' pierced_

_- Tell Riku my birthday is on Kitilsday_

_( Flash back )_

_"Ok.. so explain to me again... how is your birthday on... Kitilsday?" Riku asked LadyMarz1._

_"Well, one day I thought, 'Hey! Every year the day of the week for my birthday changes! And I'm getting sick of it! I should invent a day... yes, a day. A day that will happen once a year for my birthday! And I shall name it... Kitilsday..."_

_"Alright... yeah... C-Can you explain that to me, just one more time?"_

_( End Flash back )_

_- Tell Leon I sold his mom on eBay_

_- Tell Cloud that Vincent is really his daughter_

_- And I will also not refer to Sephiroth as 'Sexiroth'_

_So there we go!_

_I must promise on the threat that I get put tossed into dumpster this time ( I've got Cloud and Squall watching over me as I write this ) that I will never do these things again, no matter how funny they are..._

_Much love,  
LadyMarz1_

Marz closed the diary, disgusted with herself for writing that she will not do everything that made her LadyMarz1. Leon and Cloud saw the disgusted look on Marz's face and then looked at each other victoriously and walked out the door, giving each other pats on the back. Marz looked at the door the two had walked and after some time she quickly wrote in the diary,

_P.S: Now that Cloud and Squall have left the room, I am renouncing what I said just then and I will do those all things again starting right now!_

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Muah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! I'm so evil! So... Review!


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